Yes, Joan, There is a Santa Claus!

We had great news called in to us by our nurse, Gina, on Christmas Eve.  All the biopsies for everything they removed were negative for cancer.  Talk about your Christmas miracle!

The surgery was totally exreme, dude.  They ought to make a reality show based on scars alone.  Mine starts about 2 inches above my navel and travels vertically all the way down to the pubic bone.  Say goodbye to the navel ring.  Until 2 days ago my stomach was so swollen on either side of the incision, it looked like I had a butt in front to match the one in back.  And the bruises are pretty vivid.  But still, we have good news and who cares about a few scars.

Since we only talked to the nurse, I'm guessing from what my oncologist told me in the hospital that I'm classified as Stage 1A.  Excellent news.  Because the cancer type is clear cell, a very virulent type of cell, they treat it like it's Stage 3.  So, now I will have to go through 4 rounds of chemo.  The chemo will be searching out any cell that has migrated into another part of the body or wasn't caught by the biopsies.

Apparently the cancer was created by my endometriosis that I've been battling for years.  Endometriosis is fed by estrogen and with my female parts a thing of the past, I now have to lose excess weight.  Fat cells create estrogen and I don't want to feed the endo anything any more.

I am having a little leftover problem.  I began having all this fluid pour out of my va-jay-jay (as Oprah says.)  I will be going in tomorrow to find out the source.  It could be abdominal fluid leaking into the peritoneal cavity or it could be urine going the same route.  Aren't bodies just the weirdest?  If it's urine, I'll either have to wear a catheter and foley bag for 6 weeks so that the hole (possibly created during my surgery in November) can heal, or I'll have to have another "procedure" to fix it up.  If it's other fluid, then it will heal itself.  I'll know more tomorrow.

But today  I'm up and around at least a little bit and enjoying the sunshine we haven't seen around here for weeks.  It's about 35 and a lot of the snow has melted, but more is coming again soon.  I can hear the "glaciers" slide off the roof and crash onto the ground.  We still have so much snow that the city doesn't know what to do with it.  We haven't been able to get garbage pick up for 2 weeks and it looks like it will be another week until we do.  We normally get 36 inches in a season but have amassed 48 inches this month alone.  Just thought you Californians would be interested!

We have been overwhelmed with the kindness shown to us by co-workers, church friends, kid-friends, my dance community and our relatives.  We are truly blessed by your friendship and care.  Thank you so much!  Christian and Jesse said that this was the best Christmas ever.  I have to agree with them!

Home again!

Hi, this is Mickey writing for Joan. She's still unable to sit at the computer, but wanted to update her blog. So she asked if I'd be her "guest host." She told me "anything you write will be fine." Yeah, right. 

Anyway, this past week was Surgery Week, and all in all things went pretty well (I can say that because I wasn't the one getting cut on). The surgery was on Tuesday and went for 4+ hours, and the surgeon was able to remove everything she was after...utereus, appendix, lymph nodes and a bunch of stuff I can't pronounce. Good news.. she did not have to resect the bowel! Recovery is definitely more of a challenge than with the first surgery...five days in the hospital (partially because her hemoglobin level wasn't right, and they couldn't come up with a pain management system that seemed to work for her). She came home last night, and is glad not to be eating hospital jello anymore.

The doctor said she didn't find anything that looked "concerning," so our next step is to wait for the pathologies this week (guess what we're asking Santa for this Christmas?). Then chemo starts sometime next month. 

Another thing that made this whole week a bit surreal was the storm we got slammed with. We got more than 20 inches of snow in one day, and it's still snowing off and on, so the city is pretty much paralyzed. It is certainly beautiful though,...looks like a winter wonderland...at least until you try to drive to the store. I had two feet of snow piled up on my car, and Jesse and Christian got the idea to turn it into a snow sculpture, and shaped it so it looked like a white shark with wheels. Such creative guys. 

Thanks to all of you out there who are following Joan's "adventure," and who have gone out of your way to show us your support and friendship. I would love to give you all a "shout out" of appreciation! 

I'm sure Joan will write more in the next few days. 

Get It While It's Hot

Had some good news on Friday.  Yay!  The biopsy done in the oncologists office came back negative.  

Funny thing, hope.  It can be frighteningly fragile and immensely strong.  The slightest look, shift of the eyes or even unwanted information can slay it in its tracks.  But with the most minute particle of hope, the path widens, smoothes down and the sun comes out.  We spent the whole weekend enjoying the wonderful biopsy news.  And I didn't want to hear about the liver ultrasound and hoped that the doctor wouldn't call (she didn't.)  I just needed this weekend to shop for the boys and see a movie (Milk--terrific) and just breathe.

Everyone has been so wonderful with all the support we are getting.  I feel so blessed to have you all in my life.  The emails and comments are so uplifting.  The spontaneous prayers and hugs are so warm and generous.  The food is delicious and so welcome.  And thank you Sarah (my lovely neighbor) for my new hats.  What a lucky gal I am!

Tonight we take some family photos in front of the tree and then watch SNL Christmas DVD.  Looking forward to laughing.

The Word

Had my first meet and greet with my oncologist yesterday.  Her name is Elizabeth Grosen and she's the only gynecological oncologist in town.  She's very serious and doesn't pull any punches, but I don't think she'll withhold anything from me either.  I hat it when doctors treat you like you're an idiot.   She's also gaga for Weight Watchers.

I will be having another surgery on Tuesday, 12/16.  It sounds like they're going to take everything out from my appendix to my uterus.  I wonder if there'll be a gaping cavern down there for my intestines to slosh around.

After surgery comes the fun stuff.  If everything else, lymph nodes, omentum, etc., is clean then I'll still have to have 3-4 rounds of chemo.  More if other things are positive.

The cancer type is clear cell and it is fairly rare and very virulent.  So, if all the biopsies come back clear, I would normally be considered stage 1 cancer.  But because the type is clear cell, that automatically jumps to stage 3.  It makes me feel like an overachiever.

They found something on my liver from the CT scan and now I need a liver ultrasound tomorrow for further evaluation.

The doctor has recommended genetic testing, particularly to have info for the boys.  I was relieved to hear that it wasn't something I ate, smoked or rolled around in coming back to bite me.  She thinks it's genetics.  Of course I did grow up next to a nuclear power plant.  Hmmm...

The boys are trying to be brave, but Christian cries a lot.  Jesse tries to make jokes and keep things light, but has had one huge blow-up moment.  Mickey is my rock.  It was my lucky day when I met him.

Jesse broke a finger when his hand got slammed in the locker this week.  He has to go to the orthopedist when I'm having surgery.  Dad to the rescue.  Christian is having a speech evaluation this morning while I'm at the urologist.  Dad, again.  Life does go on.

The people at Mickey's work, Quisenberry Marketing & Design, have been so wonderfully supportive.  We had dinner provided every night for more than 2 weeks--everybody took a turn.  Now the kids have to get used to my cooking again.  I'm just sorry that I'm going to miss the Christmas party.

I'm having my hair cut and colored today for the last time for a little while.  When I start chemo I'm going to have it cut short and donate it to Locks of Love.  I think it will be less traumatic to go from short to bald than from long to bald.  Particularly for the shower drain.

Thanks for the good wishes and prayers.  It's powerfully healing!

Waiting for a Prognosis

The days are ticking by slowly.  It's agony to wait for information.  I mean, the holidays are absolutely the worst time in the world to get cancer, you know?  My gynecologist said that I would probably have to have another surgery to remove my uterus and any lymph glands/cancerous tissues.  Then probably some chemo.  Goodbye hair, huh?  I'll know for sure on Wednesday.

My first evening out we went to a play at Interplayers called "Home Again for the First Time."  It was written years ago and is set in Spokane, but this is the first time it has played here.  The two boy characters reminded me of my own, especially when they were rolling around the stage, wrestling.  I could tell the parents of sweet little girls.  They were the people in the audience recoiling in horror as the actors chased each other all around the stage.  We had a great time.

I'm going to start driving this week.  Mickey insists on short trips to the grocery store, etc., so I might head over to Huckleberry's for something.  And yes, I am feeling good enough to drive.  In fact, I feel pretty terrific.  My incision doesn't really hurt, it just feels tight, unless I press on it.  (No surprise there!)  I just get tired really easily.

Christian competed in the Lego Robotics League this weekend and came home with a "Judge's Choice" medal.  He wore it to school today.  I'm very proud of his accomplishment.  Jesse went to a friend's house and they baked pumpkin brownies.  They were terrific.  I might have a little baker in the making!

The boys are so ready for skiing/boarding, but no snow yet.  I doubt I will get up there this year, so it's a good thing they're old enough to at least take the Mt. Spokane bus.  It was supposed to snow last night, but as Christian says, the weathermen don't know what they're talking about.  Weather forecasting reminds me of psychic hot lines.  I think that every tv station has a room in the basement where Shakespeare's "Weird Sisters" are cackling over a bubbling cauldron.  And that's where the weather forecasts really come from.

If you have access to prayer chains, I would appreciate being placed on them.  Thanks!

Can You Repeat That?

Nothing like bad news to round off your date with the gynecologist.

The surgery went well, ovary gone, although it was my favorite since it was my only one, and the source of my two terrific boys.  The worrisome nodule popped right out, leaving all the doctors certain it was nothing.

Then came the biopsy.

I can't believe I have cancer.    

I went in for a full-body CT scan that takes images of the entire torso, and Mickey and I will meet with our new oncologist on Wednesday, 12/10.  She will give us the results and outline our plan.

I say us because it's more than me.  It will be us in this together; Mickey, Jesse, Christian and me.  And all my family.  And all my friends.  

Here's what I really, really hope:  The only cancer in my body was on my ovary and my years of living with endometriosis was a blessing because if I hadn't gone in for that ultrasound, well the cancer would have grown and grown and silently killed me like my sister, Janet.

Here's what I really, really worry about hearing:  The cancer's everywhere and I have a short time to get my affairs in order, kiss my husband and kids goodbye and try to figure out what I really believe about the afterlife.

The most likely outcome?  Somewhere in the middle.  More surgery, chemotherapy, other bad stuff.

Jesse says, "Mom, if that little 2-year old down the street can beat cancer, so can you!"

Christian says, "Mom, it's all rather shocking, isn't it?"

Mickey says, "Let's wait and see what the doctor says."

It's going to be a long week.