I've been sicker this time, too. And I'm beginning to lose my balance over really stupid things like bending over to attach the dog's leash, or stepping on uneven ground. I went down in a heap in front of the boys' school a week ago--scared Mickey to death.
My little silver hairs that stubbornly clung to my skull have now begun to fall out. My eyebrows and eyelashes have begun to thin, although I'm using a special cancer conditioner on them that I believe is helping. In fact, only my right brow was aching in the same way that my hair hurt before it fell out and I told Mickey that the only worse thing than losing my eyebrows would be to lose only one. He said if that happened, he'd go out and get me a pirate patch for my eye. But then I'd need a shirt that said, "Fuck Canc-aarrgh!" Might get a few raised eyebrows at school events.
I have had a couple of income streams that have opened to me with the onset of baldness. I was thinking I could impersonate a Buddhist nun and stand silently on the corner holding my rice bowl. But then my friend, Ann, said she could whip up some orange robes for me and I could dance and sing and sell books in the airport. Hare! Both good ideas, don't you think?
We tried to get to Seattle last weekend before my Wednesday chemo so we could have a little fun before the next round of yuck. We got all the way to Ellensburg (150 miles) before we got turned around for a freak snowstorm in the Cascades. We could have made it over, but we wouldn't have made it back. Turns out it was a good thing though because Christian started looking peaked and had a fever by that night. He kept this little fever (100-101) until he started a dry cough on Wednesday. I put him on albuterol inhaler, but he said he wasn't having a hard time breathing and his lungs didn't hurt. Dad took him to the pediatrician on Thursday. She couldn't hear anything in his lungs, wasn't worried, but sent him downstairs for an x-ray anyhow. Turns out one of his lungs was completely blocked by fluid and he should have been put into the hospital! Talk about your parenting guiltmare! Guess we won't be dusting off a spot on the mantle for that parent of the year award. Based on Christian's behavior, the pediatrician sent him home with drugs and put him on close watch all night long. Poor Mickey. The chemo knocks me out for about 12 hours a night for the first week. He was charged with getting up to nebulize Chris every 2 hours. And the next day, he looked like it. It's Saturday today and we're still keeping a close eye on him for any indication that he'll have to go "in" as they say.
Most of the loads of snow we got this winter have melted except for the giant piles accumulated via shoveled walks and driveways. It's still dreary, cold and now rainy. But I don't mind. It would drive me crazy to feel a warm wind blow, see flowers bloom and hear bird chirping, "Joan, come out and play with me," all while I'm stuck in a nauseous, bald heap on the couch. I'll have that to look forward to in April anyway.
We did have some damage this winter. The car port next to the garage (that I like to refer as a lean-to) had so much snow weight on it that a number of studs had to be replaced so it would be safe to park the car under it. Paul is our excellent contractor out there taking care of it right now. Then the flashing in the kitchen failed and we had water coming in. Paul handled that, too. Then our outdoor dining table (metal) got bent in half from the weight of the storm. That's a tosser. And a snow plow hit the Cruiser, but the city won't cover it because we don't know exactly what day it happened. There was so much snow that when the plows went by, they created berms that were 6-7 feet tall and Mickey and the boys had to go shovel out to 1) find the cars (remember the carport was kaput) and 2) create a parking space that was legal and safe. I was post-op and absolutely no help. So most of the work had to be done on the weekends and who knows what day the actual damage occurred. It happened all over Spokane, though.
Before I had this last round of chemo, I wasn't sure I could make it to round 4. I have a lot of worries about what permanent damage I'm courting by using this poison to potentially take care of any cancer that's left. I'm noticing brain issues, too. I can't remember things that I should. Or I have memories of things that happened and I'm not sure if they're real or just a dream.
Even so, I think round 4 will be okay. Carma will be here to tell me jokes and take the boys on outings (it's their spring break.) Of course, she is my hero if only for the chocolate she sends each week, but also for the candles and notecards, etc. I have ordered a couple of skull caps made of cotton from a lady on the internet. Right now I can wear my 1 cotton one with acrylic or microsuede over to keep warm. My head is so sensitive that only cotton will do to be next to the scalp and soon I won't need the second caps for warmth. But thanks to all who made them: Mom, Judy, Holy Rosary. They are much appreciated. And thanks to Gretchen for the prayer shawl--it comes with me to chemo. And thanks to Quisenberry Marketing & Design and Unity Church of Spokane for all the dinners and pick-me-ups. And thanks to the vast numbers of you out there who have sent cards and prayed for me and my family. Thanks Phyllis for the Lance Armstrong notebook. Thanks Linda for the card. But I still miss my hair. And the Terhars have been the best friends we could ever have asked for--lovin' every cookie and goody you've sent--also keeping Jesse organized! And for Denise for calling and making me laugh.
If I've forgotten to thank you, I apologize and give you permission to blame it on my chemo brain!
1 comment:
Glad to hear how you're doing - I was starting to wonder what was up. Glad to hear you haven't lost your spirits! I hope Christian gets better soon. Strength, health and peace to you and the whole family.
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